Bydlo

Very often throughout my day I ask myself, "Why the hell am I doing this?" Sometimes I have an answer, such as "Because I'm hungry and haven't had a burrito in a few days" or "Because I can't show up to the meeting looking like some hobo who fell off of a malt liquor delivery truck." But a lot of the time, I really can't come up with an instant logical answer. And thus, the gears start to turn.

For the longest time, spite was a main driving point. I had a laundry list of people that I wanted to tell off one day and flaunt my success in front of. The mental image I had of myself going up to them and telling them how successful I would be and then flipping them off was priceless. I was willing to put myself through whatever it took to make sure I could do this. But after a certain point, I started questioning whether or not the dissatisfaction I was feeling doing what i was doing was worth the joy of spite. And after a while, I felt that it wasn't.

Now don't get me wrong; I'm going to flaunt success in front of clowns that deserve it, trust me. But I'm more driven by something else, maybe passion, maybe some overly strong instant coffee. I don't know what exactly gets me out there and doing what I do. And maybe...maybe I don't want to know.