Jersey Shore Review

After "watching" the first two installations of the show Jersey Shore on MTV, I figured a few things out:
1) I more or less got the idea of the show -> the Real World in NJ
2) I have to keep watching it and commenting on it for the, er, good of the public
3) I want to keep up with it
4) I want to take a break from the pile of work I'm doing and not think an intelligent thought for about an hour.

So here we go again, except now I've been guzzling coffee for a while since it is that time of the year when projects and finals are swirling in the air. I imagine the assessment that follows will be perhaps a bit different. So sit back, relax, tell the children to go to bed, and enjoy my running account of the show:

Oh, joy. The morning afterward. I've honestly never seen guys with hair that well-coiffed in the morning, shirtless, in the kitchen and eating cereal. Then again, I don't really seek out shirtless men in kitchens eating cereal.

It really is hard to try to sit through the show in one sitting without pausing for at least a beverage refresh. The sheer idiocy of the "characters" is sometimes too much to handle.

I suppose I'm not the only one who found the irony of Nicole wearing a ballcap that says "Pornstar in Training" while literally sucking on a pickle. I do not make this shit up. Go right now to the show page (the link is at the top of the post) and fast-forward it to 4 minutes. I wonder what she wants the world to think when she sits on the couch and talks about sucking the juice out of pickles. At least she's got big glasses to protect her eyes.

What is with the "sensitive" "relationship" music? Did we forget who these people are and where we are? I suppose so.

I love the manufacturing of drama. But I suppose it has to be interesting. I'm sure a documentary on my hunt for free beer at a party would not be the most scintillating hour of television.

The boyfriend whose girlfriend cheated on her is visiting. Hooray for more manufactured drama.

So the "crew" decides to go to Headliners, which apparently is yet another loud ass place with lots of lights and fake tans. Angelina and her friends, who came to visit, are there where Angelina's boyfriend will meet them. Once there, amidst the loud music and other stuff, Angelina and her boyfriend Mike sit down and have a drink at the bar...which somehow later escalates into the two breaking up. Wonderful.

[Sidebar: We later learn that her boyfriend is going through a divorce. I think a good idea for the future is to wait until the divorce is final. Just saying.]

While there, Nicole runs into some dude she hooked up with named Mike (not the same Mike that Angelina broke up with). At this point, I discover that Nicole has the facial complexion of a cardboard box. Is it healthy to be that tan? I hope it's fake, as I don't think brown spray paint is that harmful.

I really have to doubt the actual basic reasoning skills of JWoww or whatever the hell her name is. Does she know at this point that she is on a television show and that, unless her boyfriend doesn't have cable or the internet, he's going to find out someway that his girlfriend was getting frisky with some tanned-ass gel-laden dude? Then again, they didn't exactly assemble brain surgeons here.

Emotional disturbances suck, but I'm pretty sure you really don't have to be fully functional to work at a T-Shirt shop on the Seaside Heights boardwalk. Of course, Angelina's boyfriend breaking up with her is so much for her to handle that she can't show up to her job and mope. Instead, she cooks up the worst "I'm sick" excuse known to mankind. I've seen better excuse making in my four years of college. This whole situation exposes the level of brattiness that Angelina possesses...and also the level of sheer idiocy and stupidity.

At this point is when I finally understand what the t-shirt shop has to do with the entire thing. I believe that the guy who owns the shop also owns the house they live in, so the rent payment is the cast working for the guy at the T-shirt shop. It makes more sense now. Thank you Angelina for clearing that up.

And the inevitable finally happens: Jenny's boyfriend finally breaks up with her. Or so we think.

Around this point, I got unbelievably, uh, "tired" and decided that reading and working on the pile of papers that I had to turn in was important. So I stopped watching. Plus I think I was out of scotch.