Show Review

As someone who grew up in New Jersey, you deal with a lot of crap. Not only from within the state of New Jersey, but also outside the state. You either survive Jersey or you wind up crushed and defeated. Or buried in the Meadowlands.

MTV is now airing Jersey Shore, one of their cheesy "reality" "shows." Think something like The Real World on the shore and you get the idea. They somehow got the idea to find a half dozen of probably the most airheaded and vapid nimrods you could find on the face of the earth, tan 'em up, and stick 'em in a shore summer house. More or less these are the guys that inspired the "New Haircut" viral video on YouTube, and the girls on the show...well, they probably just sat in Belmar or outside Club Abyss in Hazlet to get inspiration on the appropriate personalities to target.

When I first heard about this, I thought, "FUCK THIS BULLSHIT." (Sorry if the kids saw that.) It seemed like MTV had decided to reach further in the stupid barrel to find ideas for their show. No way I was going to patronize and further their cause by allowing my very "important" clout to further their machinations.

But then I gave it a thought and figured, "Eh, it'd be interesting." What changed this besides a glass of scotch? Well, another glass of scotch and the sheer irony of the acrimony surrounding the entire show.

Checking my news feed on Facebook, it was amusing to see the irritation by some regarding the Jersey Shore series. After having seen the "trailer" for the show, it was a bit scary how familiar some of the "personalities" in the show were to me. These people made up a surprisingly large demographic of the mouthbreathers that I grew up with back home in New Jersey. It was like spending time after-hours with the bleary-eyed dimwits that populated my summer microeconomics class at Brookdale Community College. And they were complaining about being shown "inaccurately" or "misrepresented."

As a result, I decided to watch the show. Unfortunately, my roommate was occupying the couch and the television watching various sports, so I decided the best alternative was to sit in my room, read a few articles for class, and have a drink or two. I also decided in that time period that I should also write a review/synopsis of the show. However, at the time of this writing, I did not catch the first hour, so the review presented to you will be fairly incomplete. To further exacerbate the issue, I had a few drinks while watching the show, so things are a bit fuzzy.

So more or less they collected a bunch of twenty-something dipshits from the tri-state area...okay, really just New Jersey, Staten Island, and some random dude from Rhode Island...and stuck them all in a house, where they seem to be drinking a lot, having a good time, and making full use of the hot tub. This is a show on MTV.

Lest you think that they're sitting around and whistle-dicking it, they're actually working in a T-shirt shop on the shore. What responsibility. It's hilarious to watch them actually trying to sell the cheesy ass t-shirts that are peddled by the various stores. I'm pretty sure a salesman is not going to convince me to buy some retarded ass shirt with some sentence of phrase that was amusing before I graduated middle school.

When they're not working at the t-shirt shop, they're doing the usual MTV show schtick. They get drunk (apparently their favorite pregame drink is some vodka punch they make in the house), hook up, fight, argue, all that good stuff. Now before you think it's one incestuous pool of people getting to know each other, they bring other random dudes back to the house. One hilarious episode in the part I saw involved a guy one of the "guidettes" brought home. ("Guidette" is a word they use. Don't sue me.) He managed to vomit on the lovely Astroturf like floor of the porch/balcony but also give the side of the house the business. Way to go. Hooray for MTV.

While the chronological details of the show are a bit fuzzy due to the fact that I decided my enjoyment of the show would be heightened by a few glasses of scotch, the fact remains that the show is hilarious in the overly manufacture drama that is typical of MTV shows. Plus, these folks are more or less cartoon characters. Cartoon characters that I went to high school with, but cartoon characters nonetheless.

Watching the show led me to believe that the folks in the giant MTV towers (or perhaps the section at Viacom reserved for MTV) have a set formula that they follow for every one of their damn shows. Jersey Shore is no different. Conflict brews in the part I saw over the issue of one of the overly tanned meatheads getting friendly with one of the "guidettes" that another overly tanned meathead is pining for or whatever the meathead equivalent is for that sort of emotion. What a shocker. Watching it unfold didn't really elicit anything like empathy from me, only a few very well deserved chuckles.

Now the show is honestly probably ironic comedy at its best. Anyone who takes it seriously probably has a bit of an over-reactive temperament. Word is that the anti-defamation folks representing the Italian community in New Jersey weren't too happy about it. In that case, I'm sure they're all up in Nintendo's business right now over not only Mario and Luigi, but also that Waluigi character. Maybe some representatives of the RAF should be suing the Peanuts folks for their misrepresentation of the fighter pilots during the First World War as a bunch of incompetent beagles.

But then again, there's nothing to be proud of here. New Jersey has gotten a bad rap, mostly due to the trash from the city and also the apes from Philadelphia (city of brotherly love my ass) who run up on the shore and decide to ruin it for everyone else. Now we have a televised series entitled "Jersey Shore" with a cast of idiots who are mostly not even from New Jersey. In fact, there is only one person, Sammy "Sweetheart", who is from New Jersey (Hazlet to be exact). This is a prime example of how New Jersey's image has more or less been tarnished by the unwashed masses that flood the place during the summer. Of course, there are plenty of other dopes and animal-brained humanoids running around to keep the dickwad coffers full, but the shoebies and bennies aren't helping.

So will I continue watching? Sure. Will I really care? Not really. Do I like drinking scotch? Hell yeah.

[Note: might be edited once first airing is fully viewed.]